Wine Whiners: These are the 7 Most Annoying Wine People you’ll Ever Drink with
When something is able to inspire real passion, it will attract a loyal following, and the wider and more complex its intricacies, the more prone a subject will be to develop its own breed of annoying fandom… From Star Wars geeks that will make you wish you had Darth Vader’s powers to hardcore readers that will judge you if you’ve only seen the movie, from singers that will take any opportunity to remind everyone they’re sopranos, to parents that will share unrequested pearls of wisdom on how to raise your kids.
If you love wine, you know that this world is not exempt from irritating characters, and while no one is free from eye-roll worthy behaviour every now and then (if that Sauvignon Blanc is too warm, I’m sending it back, sorry not sorry), there are those who chronically say and do the cringiest of things. The silver lining is that at least, around them, there will be wine to make them seem more tolerable.
So, here are the seven types of annoying wine people we all know. If you encounter any of them, avoid sustained eye contact and apply one of the Internet’s golden rules: don’t feed the troll.
Did you know that there are approximately 95 calories in a glass of Champagne? This is the opposite of a fun fact and just the sort of line this activity tracker with a pulse is likely to share.
Don’t get us wrong, we all love to hear about wine’s health benefits, and telling ourselves that a glass of Merlot kinda counts as one of our five a day is nothing but comforting, however, stripping wine of all pleasure and drinking it as some sort of hyper caloric medicine surely kills the fun.
There’s nothing wrong with counting calories, but if you’re going to do it at a social setting, please use your inner voice. Thanks.
When Gotham’s top botanist Pamela Lillian Isley snapped and turned into Batman’s enemy, she became the infamous Poison Ivy.
Inspired by her obsession with nature, we’ve named our second vinous saboteur, who’ll only drink natural stuff while vocally disapproving of any other choices.
While we’re delighted to see organic and natural wines becoming more popular, and they have very valid points (just as the comic book baddie), things go downhill when you dare to have a sip of a mass produced red in front of them.
Go on, do it and you’ll actually wish for all the poison they claim you’re ingesting to be real just so you can stop listening.
A list of annoying wine people couldn’t exist with out your classic textbook wine snob. If you learn to put up with their superiority complex you might be rewarded with seriously good wine, but their condescending demeanor is unnerving.
Expect sarcastic remarks and backhanded compliments such as “I can’t believe this bottle is from Chile” or “this sparkling is great but of course, it’s no Champagne”.
There are two types: the first is at least bearable because they know their stuff , but the second will only recite ratings and regions as if they were some sort of Pedigree. Don’t stay to hear them barking about Burgundy.
While its all fun and games when they take a pic of what they’re enjoying at home, their social media habits become infuriating when they ask sommeliers to stop for a photo.
The cheekiest ones will request them to pour more slowly or grab the bottle themselves, and there have even been cases of impromptu selfie sessions.
Who cares if there are ten more people waiting to be served at the table? They might be all about #LifeStyle #WineWednesday and #Wine #Selfies but when it comes to bad manners, these guys have #NoFilter.
The type of drinker that will make your wine disappear. They are greedy and will selfishly try to leech their way through a dinner party. They might have brought a €10 supermarket Chardonnay but you’ll find them nonchalantly chugging glasses of anything with an Appellation.
If they’re hosting, they’ll save your nice bottle for their next Netflix binge and will serve you something that would be considered cheap at a broke student’s party.
Their also offensive mutation, “The Punch Maker”, will quickly pour your fine red into a communal sangria bowl (making you want to punch them, hence the name). Get those phylloxerae away from your life.
The airheads of wine. For a group that doesn’t care about wine’s taste or quality, they surely drink loads of it and you’ll waste your time if you try to make them order something adventurous.
Their golden triangle is comprised by Pinot Grigio, Prosecco and Rosé and partly thanks to their indifferent thirst for this stuff, the styles have been dumbed-down so much that it’s hard for real wine lovers to take them seriously. They might say they love wine, but sceptics will argue that what they enjoy is getting drunk while feeling classy.
The millennial version of the wine snob.
They might not be able to afford first growth Bordeaux so they need to find creative ways to feel they’re better than you.
They’ll tell you about the obscure bottles and underground wine trends they have discovered, and of course, you’re always one or more steps behind, which in their book means you have lame taste.
You’ll never be as cool and edgy as these pretentious wannabes, but you know what? Some wines are in the dark because they’re undrinkable.
Gabriela’s passion for writing is only matched by her love for food and wine. Journalist, confectioner and sommelier, she fell in love with Ireland years ago and moved from Venezuela to Dublin in 2014.
Since then, she has written about and worked in the local food scene, and she’s determined to discover and share the different traditions, flavours and places that have led Irish food and drink to fascinate her.
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